We Shouldn’t live life fearing Death, but fear that at Death we realise we have not truly Lived

Thank you every one for your kind words. In the past 2 days, we have been receiving numerous emails and phone calls about our wedding shoot. Wow, we never expected our photos to go viral. We are both still very dazed with the attention, but let me take this opportunity to pen down my thoughts about the shoot:

WHY DID WE DO IT?

We wanted to feature something meaningful to us. Wedding photos were always about places and things that have meaning to the couple. Our trade instantly came to mind. Since we joined the industry 3 years ago, we have been at it together almost all the time, always trying to improve our company and services.

At the same time, we have also noticed how we ourselves have changed over the past 3 years. I would like to share Darren’s personal experience.

Mid May, the Amtrak accident happened in Washington DC. If you read it, there was a Singapore family who were on the train. That family happened to be Darren’s parents and his relatives, a total of 17 of them. They were all seated either in the car that split open or the car just behind. Darren’s father escaped death with just a stiff neck. Can you imagine the kind of luck involved?

Being a funeral director and dealing with death every day didn’t make Darren any less numb to the idea of his parents sudden death. His father had actually briefed him about where to find the will and how to dispose of his estate, but Darren had never expected to come so close to actually doing it.  This brush with death changed Darren much more. Till today he is trying as much as he can to spend as much time with his family as possible.

Our philosophy is simple, its a variation of carpe diem but better. Seize today for you never know whether tomorrow will come. Seeing death on a daily basis has made us more sensitive to life. We have come to realise how fragile our lives are; the reality of impermanence; how our lives are finite though they feel infinite. Its all an illusion, this thing called life, because before you know it, it disappears. Trust us, we’re experts at dealing with the after part.

We have grown closer to our own families. Our relationships with our loved ones have grown stronger. Our outlook in life has also become more easy going. We think that it is to do with our work. We meet grieving families daily and witness first hand how a death in the family brings the family closer and how broken relationships were mended. Death seems to make people cherish life even more. This realisation moulded our belief in life, that Death is indeed a part of life, that we shouldn’t live life fearing death, but fear that at death we realise we have not truly lived.  

Today, we live every day with the simple motto in mind: Let’s make things better. We want to make things better for our company, we want to make the lives of the people around us better, we want to make our own lives happier and more fulfilling, most of all, we want to make our society a better place. We hope that with our portrayal of Death and Life, it gets people thinking and remind people to make full use of their lives.

We were very very surprised that our Singapore readers were SO positive about our photoshoot. Based on my rough estimate, 90% of the comments on The Straits Times social media were positive. What was even more surprising was that when there were negative comments, we had people standing up for us. This was really unexpected. We had our fingers crossed the whole night before the news was released, and our own expectation was that only up to half the readers will find the news positive.

Yes, there is generally still a taboo on the topic of death in Asia. However, we firmly believe that talking about death is liberating and it helps people refocus their lives. Did you know that one way to dissuade someone from thinking suicidal thoughts is to actually ask them how they want to do it? Darren thought me this, he said that as a counsellor it was one method he used to help people with suicidal tendencies.

We have so many friends and relatives who have actually stepped forward to talk to us about how they want their arrangements done and we are happy that they have done so. We want to encourage more conversations about death, not because it is our business, but we believe that this will help society as a whole move towards being a more loving and caring one; where we learn to forgive and forget more easily; where we take lesser offence at unintended words; where we live the lighter side of life.

We want to take this opportunity to thank our family and friends who have stood by us and supported our love for our work.

Have a great week every one!

Jenny Tay